I bought a new mouse along with my laptop a few months ago, which has now broken.

I phoned Dell, who put me through to Logitech, who said:

“Write this reference number on a piece of paper.  Then you need to take 4 photographs.

1. Take a photo of the mouse and the piece of paper together

2. Turn the mouse upside down and take a photo with the paper.

3. Smash the mouse up with a hammer and take a photo of the bits with the paper”
..

I interrupted with a “....what?” .. “did you say to smash the mouse up with a hammer??”

He confirmed that yes, that’s what he said.

I pointed out that that seemed a little crazy, that all that was broken was that the scroll button didn’t quite work as intended.

He repeated that it needed smashing up with a hammer.

I pointed out that I’d then be without a mouse until the replacement arrives, which he had told me would be between 4 and 14 days, if they were in stock, and that he didn’t know if they were in stock.

He said I should use another mouse until the replacement arrived.

I pointed out that that’d mean I had to go out and buy another mouse to use.

He said he’d speak to his supervisor, put me on hold, came back a minute later and said:

“Yup, you have to smash it with a hammer”

Brilliant.

AQA (Any Question Answered) is quite a well known company who will answer any question you text to them.

From their website:

Every question is read and answered by a person, one of hundreds who work for us. If they don’t know the answer, they know where to look.

They’re used by millions of people for those niggling questions you need to know the answer to when you’re drunk.

Like, “what does PickledPixie/Talth/Allen do for a living?”

This weekend there was much speculation on the question, much guesswork, and much wrongness, eventually someone texted to ask AQA, who said:

Allen David Staniforth is a Leisure Club Hypnotist

And where did AQA source that particular piece of misinformation?  There’s only one place on the internet peddling that kind of nonsense.  They got it from the wiki I halfheartedly added to this blog a few years ago!  http://www.monkeysandpirates.com/wikipirates/PickledPixie/.

So when drunken geeks don’t know the answer, they turn to the experts at AQA.  When the experts don’t know the answer, they turn to monkeysandpirates.com.

Brilliant!

Worklad told us today that whilst he believes in God, he’s a little confused about Jesus.

Further enquiry revealed that there are two Jesus’s.  There’s ‘Jesus’, and there’s ‘Jesus of Nazareth’.

According to worklad, they’re both 5’ 11”, and both originally from Jerusalem, but that’s where the similarities end.

‘Jesus of Nazareth’ was played by Robert Powell, whereas ‘Jesus’ was in The Bible.

…

It’s worth pointing out again that worklad failed his Religious Education GCSE.

After a drunken night out, I woke early on Sunday, and put on a movie.  This was disturbed by a knocking at the door.

Outside was a girl who’d been crying, surrounded by a small angry mob.

“Does Alexa” (my lodger) “live here?”

I confirmed that she does.

“Is my boyfriend in bed with her right now?”

um..

I booked my flight today!

omg it’s really happening..

I fly from Manchester on the morning of Wednesday 8th October, and arrive in Brisbane on the Friday morning.  Then just need to sort out an internal flight from Brisbane to Townsville.

The actual flight time is only about 20 hours, but I have a 15 hour stop at Singapore airport which means I get to go spend a day in Singapore, yay!